But here's the best part-- instead of canceling, they gave me free this,
free that, two months at no charge, I got everything but what I wanted, all
because I was such a "valued customer" (#af254252af-2144) & "vital to AOL".
So I figured, hey, free, why not cancel after the two months.

Well, I just got my credit card bill for the charges and I called to tell
them that there was an error and, once again got some poor, lonely soul who
was more interested in telling me his life story & commenting on mine
("Geoff, did you know your street name coincides with a lethal form of
hallucinogen? My buddy runs a apartment complex in South Carolina of the
same name & I tell him, 'fitting, you druggie...."; "Uh, yeah, I get seven
to ten sexual enhancer e-mails a day, can you imagine?" For the record,
yes, I can.), before asking me if there was anything he could do to keep my
service, which was another long-winded sales pitch about all of the benefits
of AOL. (Uh, yeah, could you IM Jack Kevorkian so I can invite him over for
a little cyanide cocktail while I endure the story of your life & why you
feel the need to force people to endure your pathetic ness & the fact that
you should have paid a little more attention in junior high before you got
your GED). I mean, this guy made the fifteen minutes I was on hold seem
like Valhalla.

In making the mistake of asking why I was canceling the all-so-mighty &
pristine AOL, I ran off a quick list of about fifteen reasons (he caught me
unprepared or I would have kept him on the line like the air traffic
controller to helpless Karen Black/ stewardess in "Airport '77".) Clearly
he was pissed that his drug-laden conversation & attempts to buddy up with
someone who had no interest in who he was or consummating some bizarre
"Cable Guy" via internet relationship had failed. So after running through
my cancellation like that obnoxious speed-reader who did the FedEx
commercials back in the eighties, I asked-- are you reversing the charges on
my credit card? Guess what? Seems like, because I missed the fifteen
second window to call & tell them that I wanted to cancel, a 'fine print'
conversation that never occurred on my first attempt to cancel, I was being
held responsible. And now, this person who for the first time had a little
authority made it certain that (I could see his chest puffing out), he could
see no reason to authorize such a reversal because I clearly had ignored
AOL's policy to call them to tell them that I wanted to discontinue. Isn't
that what I tried to do two months ago before I walked away like that
trailer-park contestant that hits it big on the Price Is Right's Showcase
Showdown? And when did Steven Case & AOL become so self-righteous? Was
this between their stance on pop-up porn & it's conversion to e-mailed penis
enlargers?

Well, to AOL, I say thank you. The thirty five dollars I spent on your last
month of service is worth the numerous times I will use it (and your name)
in my corporate seminars, executive training, staff meetings, & client
conversations. You see, not every one that you deal with is some high
school kid looking to download the latest song or some Friday night perv
downloading porn. Some of us own companies, some of us run businesses, and
all of us talk.

Geoff Holle