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New
Government Campaign Targets Masturbators In the
tradition of other highly successful government campaigns such The War on Apparently the age-old adage "It's mine, I can do what I want with it" no longer applies. A crack team of undercover government agencies has been assigned to do random spot checks in houses across America. Your dog, your goldfish, hell even your own mom could be an impostor. We recommend asking some very specific and personal questions of any possible suspects before the next time you polish the bishop. If you are thinking that a first-offense will carry a light sentence such as community service think again. Apparently those rules only apply to drug users, drunk drivers and wife-beaters. Think twice before you wank your one-eyed weasel. One convicted self-love expert (who wishes to remain anonymous) received 2 years in prison. Look on the bright side, at least he won't have to do the work himself anymore. In fact, I doubt that he will have a choice.
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Drugs, The War on Smoking, The War on Vietnam and The War on Terrorism,
The United States has chosen it's newest enemy - masturbation. Uncle
Sam is taking on the purple-headed warrior.
In
a couple of a rare cases where the suspects were found clinically insane,
The Male Chastity Tube has been assigned by the courts. The
"MALE CHASTITY TUBE" is a lightweight, save and effective male
chastity device that is made to lock behind the wearer’s testicles and
prohibit any touching of the member while installed.
(Editor's Note: how the hell do you piss in that thing?).