Final
Score:
Jesus, 2 - You, 0
By
Tanya Barrientos
Philadelphia Inquirer Columnist
Graphics by Heferito
Have you seen the latest offering in religious marketing?
Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues.
Yep, turns out the Son of God is into peewee football, weekend soccer and
even junior hockey in a big (and I mean Almighty big) way.
Sold by Frank Pollicino of Long Island, N.Y., on his family store's Web
site, www.catholicshopper.com, the figurines show a white-robed Jesus
hustling on the field with a couple of kids in a Wide World of Sports
variety of games.
Fit, bearded and looking a little like a World Cup soccer player for
Italy, there he is tossing up the jump ball on the basketball court, in
sandals. Or showing a little girl how to swing her nine iron out on the
green.
There's one depicting Jesus shrugging off a tackle on the football field,
and one showing Him, in skates, slapping a hockey puck across the ice.
I looked for a beauty-pageant Jesus holding the crown above the lucky
winner's puffed-up hair, but the manufacturer hasn't come out with one of
those yet.
Pollicino, who has run his retail shop since 1996, tells me the six-inch
statuettes, developed by the Devon Trading Co. of North Caldwell, N.J.,
are not intended to be kitschy or blasphemous. They're serious religious
items, he says, intended to show children that Jesus is their friend and
spiritual teammate.
But can anybody really take a white-robed Jesus on skis seriously?
"I don't think there's anything wrong with having a friendly image of
God on a kid's dresser," Pollicino replies.
By the way, a Jesus-as-athlete statue will cost you $19.95, if you are
lucky enough to score one. They've been as popular as Tiger Woods since
news about them popped onto the Internet late last year. Then, late-night
TV comedian Conan O'Brien mentioned them on his show, which led to a spate
of attention in newspapers and magazines.
"Last year I sold two," Pollicino says. "In the last three
months I've sold 1,000." I forgot to ask whether he owns a statue of
Jesus manning a cash register.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I've got an outdated sense of what the divine is all
about. I thought we were supposed to appeal for things like moral guidance
and spiritual enlightenment, not a three-pointer from downtown.
But I'm willing to change my outlook to catch up with the times.
In fact, I'll even offer a few ideas for statues that Pollicino might
market to adults.
How about Jesus in a traffic jam? I've heard plenty of people mentioning
His name during rush hour on the Blue Route.
What about Jesus on the floor of the stock market?
Buying a used car?
The possibilities are endless and, I suppose, nothing but harmless fun.
Still, part of me prays the Creator has a supreme sense of humor because,
in the end, it's He who knows the final score.