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The Definition of Hell They say that each person goes to his or her own personal hell. I never used to think much about that theory or religion in general, but today may have changed my mind. I feel that I have experienced firsthand what my own personal hell might be like. I just got back from the dentist's office for a routine teeth-cleaning. It has been several years since my last professional teeth-cleaning, so you can imagine that the amount of tartar-scraping was at a higher level than I really would have cared for. It's not my fault that it's been that long, it's just that I didn't have dental insurance for quite a while and my financial situation wouldn't allow me to pay out of my own pocket (see Kick Me In The Balls for more details on this subject). Anywho, as the dentist lady was scraping away at my teeth with her comfortable metal probe, I felt as if I was doing ok. Sure, my gums were throbbing, and I don't mean the kind of throb that we all love. This was pain. Every time my heart beat I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. But I am a man, and men don't cry (except for when Buffy the Vampire Slayer gets killed). Then, it
happened, just as she was using that suction tube thingy to get the
excess Just as I was about to snap, it ended. The next song was a duet with Huey Lewis and Gwenyth Paltrow. She actually has a pretty good voice. At this moment I realized that my personal hell will consist of a dentist's chair and one Celine Dion song on endless repeat for all of eternity. |
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saliva out of my mouth (could you go a little lower with that thing
please? It gets really good suction). The worst, most
overplayed, overall crappy song in the world started playing. I am
talking, of course, about Celine Dion from The Titanic. The
combination of the pain in my mouth and the desire to stab one of those
metal probes into each ear was more than I could take.